Week 5 Story: Vali's Story
Valmiki
The image above shows Vali.
Vali took some time to gather himself. After having spent so long under earth he knew he would have to make some adjustments because he was about to return to his life. He then realized he needed to find his way back. Vali was lost. He wandered, searching for the hole from which he came. Vali thought he would be guided to it by the light coming through but he saw nothing. He searched and search to no avail. One day, he saw a small amount of light coming through a tiny crack. He realized that was the hole he once came through and wanted to find a way out. With much struggle, he was able to come out. He was no longer under the earth and realized Sugriva had covered the hole with a mountain. He felt betrayed. He concluded that he brother purposely trapped him to gain possession of the kingdom. He then began to plan how he would punish his brother for what he had done.
Author's note: In the Ramayana we read about the conflict between the two brothers as told by Sugriva. I decided to retell my own story from Vali's perspective. I left the characters and plot consistent with the original story.
Hi Catalina!
ReplyDeleteI just read your story. I thought it was good. It is a cool retelling of the story. I like the twist you gave it by writing it from Vali's perspective. Being stuck down in that hole for so long, I wonder about Vali's thought process. Several months is a long time to be in the dark underground searching for a creature. It had to have a profound affect on Vali. I am curious to know how it had changed him. What about the fight between Vali and the creature? It would be such a cool action sequence. Also, some more details about the creature would be nice, I had trouble envisioning him. Finally, I would like to learn more about how Vali felt when he learned about Sugriva's betrayal. Vali loved and trusted him. After all he went through underground, he had to be absolutely devastated. Overall, I like your story and I look forward to reading more of them.
Hey Catalina! I really like how you decided to keep it simple by just changing a viewpoint. I felt like you were able to keep the story on the right path, but also give us a little more insight on an outsiders point of view. I think it is really important to have character development outside of just main characters such as Rama and Sita, and so I give you kudos for doing such a great job! I am eager to read more of your stories in the future and see what other point of views you can make up for different parts of the Ramayana.
ReplyDeleteHi Catalina! I loved the other perspective of the brother's conflict. From Vali's point of view, he was most definitely wronged, and I was intrigued by the contrast this story presents with his brother's. I thought the beginning of the story could do with some more detail- about setting or motivations perhaps? What was it like down there? Dark and cold? Hot and stuffy? The second half especially felt like a creation myth and I was digging it. Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHello Catalina! I just wanted to start off by saying I loved your story! I can see you put a lot of hard work and imagination into your writing! You grabbed my attention and had it till the very end. I look forward to reading more of your stories! Keep up the good work! I hope you have a good weekend and good luck with the rest of your semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Catalina! I can definitely empathize with Vali in this story as it feels like he is trapped underground. It reminds me of the Labyrinth with the minotaur, I'd hate to be endlessly stuck somewhere. I think you do a great job telling this story and the only think I'd really like to know is the Indian depiction of the center of the earth! I'd love to see if they believe it was hot, cold, on the back of a turtle, whatever! Great story overall!
ReplyDeleteHi Catalina! I liked how you wrote the story in a different perspective. I was, however, a little confused at the beginning of the story. I think to alleviate confusion, it could help to give the creature a name. It would just clarify exactly what Vali is going against, because when I got to the second paragraph, I became confused, thinking it was Sugriva. I also think some more visual detail/imagery could go a long way in enriching the story.
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