Week 3 story... You Should Change
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Carli was an only child and she loved it. Then one day her mother said to her, "Carli you are going to be a big sister!" To her dismay, she would no longer be an only child and that meant that what at one time was only hers, she would now have to share.
Carli was an only child and she loved it. Then one day her mother said to her, "Carli you are going to be a big sister!" To her dismay, she would no longer be an only child and that meant that what at one time was only hers, she would now have to share.
Time went by and eventually her mother gave birth to a
little boy named Tommy. Carli hated sharing and would hide all the toys in her
room, away from Tommy. She wanted everything only to herself. Her parents were
not happy about her behavior but they also were not sure how to handle the
situation exactly. The years went by and Carli only got worse. Every year at
Tommy’s birthday party, Carli faked being sick so that she would have all of
the attention. Eventually, this got old and people stopped buying her fake
routine. Tommy who was very kind-hearted, always made sure his sister was happy
and did whatever he could so that she would be. This, attracted people to
Tommy, he was selfless and genuine. Carli hated that her brother had so many
people that genuinely cared for him. At school, things were not very different.
If her friends got new clothes or school supplies, Carli would go home after
and cry to her parents until she got something better than her friends.
Eventually, Carli grew up and got married. All her life she
had gotten away with her selfish behavior and no one had ever put a stop to it.
Deep down she was very unhappy and she never knew why. Her mother always told her
“If you continue to push those around you away because of your selfishness and
greed, you will end up alone”. Carli was not bothered by this at all. She had
convinced herself that she did not depend on anyone and was fine being alone.
She had not spoken to her brother in years and she had no intent on doing so.
Her mother had passed away a few years back and her father was ill. One day,
her husband grew weary with Carli and decided he could no longer stay married
to someone so selfish and cold. He divorced Carli and moved out. This still did
not bother her for she knew that she could call her father and that he would
still put up with her.
After several months, Carli felt very much alone. She was
afraid to admit it so instead she covered it up by deciding to go see her
father and check up on him. When she arrived to his house, he was not there.
She became frustrated because she did not like when people were not readily
available for her. She noticed a car pull into the driveway. It was tommy. This
made Carli angry for she did not like her brother. Carli felt that ever since
he was born he took her parents attention from her. Tommy went in and saw Carli
standing there. She scolded him and ranted about her father not being home. She
said “where is dad? He should be home! This is why I cannot be around you two! Always
disappointments and undependable!”. Tommy could not belive she was throwing a
tantrum, especially at her age! He looked to Carli and said, “Dad passed away
about a month ago and you would have known that if you had answered any of my
calls”.
Carli began to cry. She had let her hate for her brother
build up over the years and decided to never talk to him again. She would
reject his calls and the time when she should have answered, she didn’t. She
missed saying goodbye to her dying father. Her selfishness had made her so bitter
that she pushed many people away. She was now alone.
The story above was in reference to the anthology from week 2. They each had a moral and I wanted mine to be similar.
How cool is this, Catalina: the randomizer assigned me your story! (I'm participating in these classes like a student this semester, which is a little weird, but I thought it would be a good way for me to get ideas for how to make the class better.) Anyway, like I said, this story is such a great example of karma: the CONSEQUENCES of actions, including unintended consequences. Yes, Carli was selfish... but of course she never intended for things to turn out the way that they did. Her brother set a good example, her mother gave her good advice, but she went her own way, and she end up having to live with the consequences of her choices, like we all do. So your story really fits in with the moral themes that the Buddha used in his jataka stories; karma is part of both Buddhism and Hinduism, along with the other religions of India. And the picture is PERFECT. I think I was kind of a Carli when I was little too. But luckily I learned my lesson sooner than Carli did! :-)
ReplyDeleteHi Catalina,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this story. I liked how it was a story that almost everyone can relate to on a personal level. Either we know someone in a similar situation with similar attitudes to Carli, or we have heard stories of such. The most vivid part of your story, the part that truly stood out to me, was the ending in which Carli realized her mistake over the years. Would it be possible to explicitly state the moral of the story at the end? This might make it a bit more impactful. One suggestion would be to further the story of Carli and her brother. Do they make up? Or do they still stay distant even after Carli realizes her mistake? Perhaps you want to leave this as a cliff hanger, as it makes the moral of the story more impactful if it feels that Carli is completely alone at the end. Overall, great job on this story!
-Andy McDowell
Carli, that was an amazing story!! I love how much we got to learn about Carli and her development throughout the story, as well as her inner thoughts and emotions. This story was completely changed when you included the part where her mom would tell her “if you continue to push those around you away because of your selfishness and greed, you will end up alone”, because you clearly included the moral of the tale in your story without us having to spend a lot of time trying to extrapolate what this story taught us. There isn't much that I would change about your story, but if I were to expand it, I would include more details about how Carli's brother felt about her growing up and how he would react to her acting out to get attention. I also wonder what kept Carli's dad in her life and why she felt like he would always remain in her life. Was it just unconditional love?
ReplyDeleteHey Carli, this was a really great story and i loved every minute of reading it and would definitely read it again. You were able to make this such a great learning story by showing the development of Carli and included a great moral that is easy to understand and makes a great point about life. This is a story that anyone can relate to which makes it good.
ReplyDeleteHi Catalina! What a great moral- the pitfalls of selfishness and how it can continue to impact a person’s entire life are a serious thing. I’m glad her brother was a more gracious person, and bummed that she never really learned her lesson. As the eldest of four I can only relate so far to getting used to being the only child, especially since my brother was born 15 months after me, but I hope Carli realizes her shortcomings and grows closer with who’s left in her family in the time she has left.
ReplyDeleteHey Catalina, What a great read! It was so fun to read your story, especially when there is a meaning to it. It flowed very well together and that is what I really liked. You have good details too which helped me really get into the story. One suggestion I have for you is to show conversations between characters. I think it will make your story even better than it is. I really look forward to more of your stories and keep up the good work!
ReplyDelete